In one of my last posts I said I was looking forward to spring, with its longer days, sunnier and warmer days. I said I wanted to stay the course, and not veer off to unknown exciting beginnings with no strategy behind (like quit my job on the spot and travel around the world by myself). I’d like to leave my job for more exciting jobs, but I don’t know what would really excite me. And yet, only 12 months ago my job excited me. So, there is a bit of work to do, inside of me. In the meantime, do not panic, do not fear of missing out on life, do something that you can feel proud of, on a daily basis, and acknowledge the results.

So today I can say that I did my 2 beds: fresh clean bed sheets. I worked from home (where I work most of the time) and despite the fact that it was very very hard to be motivated to work, I managed to do the beds, and to print the checklist for my flight preparation. It seems like nothing, and I agree it is nothing at all, but sometimes I really feel like nothing is giving me motivation, and everything is a huge endeavor. I mentally scan my life situation and see that I am in this boring routine of working from home, seeing cloudy skies, meeting no new people, and not managing to get any project off the ground at work. After the scan is done (usually within seconds), my stomach feels a heavy sensation, like a burn, my head wants to escape, and I fall in a stupid sense of unaccomplishment.

I am not depressed, meaning I don’t cry every day and I don’t feel desperate, I do have some eggs in some baskets, but I do feel a similar inaptitude to complete actions as when I was depressed. The brain isn’t wired to give me the boost of energy to move all parts of my body. I get overwhelmed by the number of things I have to do, and I disregard all of them instead of taking one by one, and start working on things.

At the end of the week I am heading to Southern France to resume my flight lessons at last, see if I can unblock my situation, thanks to a new environment, another airspace, with a new instructor and in a sunny part of the world, Provence. The French there have a funny accent, they are funny and quite open to foreigners. David Guetta has a house there I saw it from the skies, it’s beautiful. Lots of rich people with amazing homes. I think of them and I wish I had the same means. Or that David Guetta could host me for the week. It would be great to stay at his place. He has a wife and kid. so cute. Anyways, I am diverting.

Flight is my objective for this summer: if I do this, I will feel that I have accomplished a huge task, and have overcome a huge obstacle. I have been stressed about flying in the past months. Not sure I can overcome it yet, but I am putting my mind to it. I am even getting psychological help to understand why I am blocking and how I can unblock.

Insomma, life is beautiful and sometimes I forget to look with the right lenses.