Tag: interpreting dreams

Bad dream

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In a previous post I was writing about my dreaming pattern during the treatment with Fluoxetin (or Prozac, as they call the main brand). I have had a dream last night, which I started remembering while meditating (I meditate shortly after I wake up), and the dream was not a good one. It made me feel bad. What I dreamt is that I was depressed and had no will power to get up and do things. I dreamt of my ex boyfriend, A., the one who left me because he was not in love with me; I think I also dreamt of W., but I am not sure. The dreams were more vivid a month or two ago.

The phenomenon I was describing in the dream post reoccurred also in last night’s dream: I went to Geneva to pick up a box from a friend, and I revisited the places where I have been with A., and that made me feel uncomfortable. Not sad or depressed, but almost. I could manage my feelings and I felt them as if they were being observed by me from afar. I guess this is due to the effect of the antidepressant.

But at night, when my conscious guard was lower, and my subconscious had free roaming space, I have shuffled the day experience into negative thoughts, depression and unmotivated behaviour. It didn’t feel good. The good thing about this is, it was a dream, and I have snapped out of it. A look at the sky, a walk through my apartment (remember, it’s still COvid isolation time), and my reality looked much better than the dreamt one.

Before my healing process, the situation was reverted: the reality was a nightmare, I felt completely desperate, no reason to live, no joy in anything I did during the day, not even sport or yoga, which make me feel good in a normal condition; all I wanted is to sleep and dream of a happy moment for me. Anything that would help me not feel I was dying. Thank goodness, now the situation is the exact opposite: the dream is the less interesting (or even uncomfortable) part of my life, and the awake time is good. And yet I want to understand how to change my dreams. After all, we sleep for one third of our time on Earth, so sleeping and dreaming is an essential part of who we are. If uncomfort or desperation are still lingering there, in my dreams, with negative thoughts surfacing while I am sleeping, it means that depression is not over. Depression is sleeping, it’s being doped, and it’s looking for a weak moment to take possession of my awake time.

This is a fight, and I intend to win. I am already winning. Stay tough. Life is good.

Side effects of Fluoxetin

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The first few weeks, after the effect of Fluoxetin started to stabilise, I noticed that I remembered my dreams after every single night. I remember dreaming all along my previous years, sometimes I recollect very clearly what happened in the dream, sometimes not. Dreams have always been part of my life. But this is a very vivid experience. For about 3-4 weeks, when I was into my 5-6th weeks of taking the pills, I could notice clearly that whatever I had thought during the day, I would dream it at night. Did I think of my parents on day x? I would dream of them on night x. Did I picture a particular memory of my ex boyfriend on day y? I would dream it on night y. The dream was a distorted version of reality, but still very very vivid. That, for me, is the only side effect I can report of Fluoxetin. I don’t know how these medicaments work, but I figure all antidepressants must give a similar reaction. I would love to know if you have had a similar experience.

One particular thing about this dreaming pattern: I had come to a point, up until a month ago, that I could determine during the day what I was going to dream at night. That was powerful, and awesome! I remember talking to a young friend of mine, whom I am very fond of (as a friend purely) and whom I find very handsome (sweet, good body, young); we chatted on the phone talking about our lives, and catching up (he left Switzerland for a couple of years); I have no particular feelings for this young man, except for some physical attraction maybe; at night I ended up dreaming of him and me in an intimate situation; it felt really good, real and vivid. Haha! I had fund that night. When I woke up, I had a good memory of the dream, and till today (about 45 days later) I think of it smiling. I don’t think I’ll tell JC about the dream. I don’t want our friendship to be jeopardized. I prefer to keep him as a friend for a very very long time. Physical attraction, in my experience, ruins friendships. But that’s tropic for another day.

Going back to dreams and side-effects of antidepressants, I haven’t been able to sustain this dreaming habit for long. I think it lasted a month or a bit longer. Interesting. What happens now is that dreams still occur, and I still remember more than in the past, and day previous hours before the sleep still affect greatly the content of my dreams, but I don’t seem to have a grip on it. Dream just comes. This morning while meditating, I was thinking about the dream I had last night. I dreamt of going to W.’s wedding to his present girlfriend (who is W? Long story), he invited me. I went with my best friend M., we went with a VW, where I had put a change of clothes to get dressed, cause I was still in my PJ while driving to the venue. W. didn’t look like him, he rather looked like another guy I fancied in the past; his fiancée was not his actual fiancée, but my ex work colleague from the previous firm. When finishing up the meditation (as I was trying not to think…) I reviewed the dream in my mind, and realised that all elements of the dream had been in my mind in the previous 12h hours: W. looked like I guy I had just happened to think about a few hours back; my neighbor friend, whom I see every day for half hout in the public garden during isolation time, told me about our common ex-work colleague and her gift to her little daughter; the clothes were to change my PJ, which is what I have been wearing for the past 5 weeks in isolation (for Zoom or Whatsapp work calls all I need is to look decent from the waist up :-)). And voilà le cake is ready. Many ingredients (WV: not sure why it was in the dream). All make sense. Wow, it’s really great to follow this process as the studying subject and object of this phenomenon called healing from depression.

As for any other side effects of Fluoxetin, the only other thing I can remember is feeling stomach pains the first few weeks; the medicine was hard on my stomach, even if I was taking it after breakfast. And the heart beat growing faster a few hours after taking it. These effects have passed after 2-3-4 weeks. Sometimes I feel so good actually, that I need to calm down, to not explode of happiness. I want to preserve my emotions and be ready for when I stop the medicines. No intention of stopping as of yet. I am thinking another few months. I’ll for sure wait that Covid isolation is over.