I keep meditating in the morning. I am not trying to meditate a second time daily yet, as it is quite hard to take some moment off my daily schedule, once the day starts. I would like to increase the meditation time per day, (for now it’s 30 minutes) as I am convinced it would be helping even more, but for now I am content with what I manage. Even the yoga for the eyes was really good, but I have stopped that. Work has been absorbing me a lot, but it is giving me joy, so I do it with pleasure. I am happy these days (and months), it feels so good to have life and joy in the veins. For the moment I am mostly absorbed by work, and I want to make a conscious effort in balancing the elements of my life, so that I don’t have all my joy in one basket. I want to increase the sport level, which since COvid has been drastically reduced, and I want to increase the social life. I find myself too comfortable on my own since lockdown. I don’t know if it’s because I have finally found myself again, and am happy with my own company, or because of the effects of isolation due to the pandemic. December 2019 I was desperate because I could not travel as much as I wanted, and July 2020 I am happy travelling less. Is it because I am satisfied with my job now? Is it because of Fluoxetin? Is it because I have started granting myself the love and self admiration I had for so long abandoned? All of the above perhaps.

Speaking of Fluoxetin: I halved the dose 5 weeks ago. I can’t see any difference in my state of mind, and I am very happy about this. I am not sure if there are side effects to Fluoxetin, all I know is that it doesn’t produce addiction, so I should be fine getting off completely in a couple of months time. My next appointment with Dr. N. (the jolly Congolese) is in August. He’ll assess whether it’s the right time to stop. One thing I have noticed since two weeks, though, is that by Friday afternoon I am knackered. I am so tired that my brain can’t compute anymore, and on Saturday I wake up tired. I have had to take a long nap on both past Saturdays. Today is Sunday and I feel a bit more energised, I wonder if it is because I am not sleeping my 7.5 hours minimum, which is my ideal, 8 being even better, or because work has been so tolling these past weeks that I am just tired, as anybody would be. I must admit the sensation of tiredness on Saturdays, where all I want is sleep all day, scares me because it reminds me of when I was depressed and I was not motivated by anything, so staying in bed was the only thing I would do. This is not the same circumstance, I do have great motivation to get out of bed, I am just scared of depression.