The first few weeks, after the effect of Fluoxetin started to stabilise, I noticed that I remembered my dreams after every single night. I remember dreaming all along my previous years, sometimes I recollect very clearly what happened in the dream, sometimes not. Dreams have always been part of my life. But this is a very vivid experience. For about 3-4 weeks, when I was into my 5-6th weeks of taking the pills, I could notice clearly that whatever I had thought during the day, I would dream it at night. Did I think of my parents on day x? I would dream of them on night x. Did I picture a particular memory of my ex boyfriend on day y? I would dream it on night y. The dream was a distorted version of reality, but still very very vivid. That, for me, is the only side effect I can report of Fluoxetin. I don’t know how these medicaments work, but I figure all antidepressants must give a similar reaction. I would love to know if you have had a similar experience.

One particular thing about this dreaming pattern: I had come to a point, up until a month ago, that I could determine during the day what I was going to dream at night. That was powerful, and awesome! I remember talking to a young friend of mine, whom I am very fond of (as a friend purely) and whom I find very handsome (sweet, good body, young); we chatted on the phone talking about our lives, and catching up (he left Switzerland for a couple of years); I have no particular feelings for this young man, except for some physical attraction maybe; at night I ended up dreaming of him and me in an intimate situation; it felt really good, real and vivid. Haha! I had fund that night. When I woke up, I had a good memory of the dream, and till today (about 45 days later) I think of it smiling. I don’t think I’ll tell JC about the dream. I don’t want our friendship to be jeopardized. I prefer to keep him as a friend for a very very long time. Physical attraction, in my experience, ruins friendships. But that’s tropic for another day.

Going back to dreams and side-effects of antidepressants, I haven’t been able to sustain this dreaming habit for long. I think it lasted a month or a bit longer. Interesting. What happens now is that dreams still occur, and I still remember more than in the past, and day previous hours before the sleep still affect greatly the content of my dreams, but I don’t seem to have a grip on it. Dream just comes. This morning while meditating, I was thinking about the dream I had last night. I dreamt of going to W.’s wedding to his present girlfriend (who is W? Long story), he invited me. I went with my best friend M., we went with a VW, where I had put a change of clothes to get dressed, cause I was still in my PJ while driving to the venue. W. didn’t look like him, he rather looked like another guy I fancied in the past; his fiancée was not his actual fiancée, but my ex work colleague from the previous firm. When finishing up the meditation (as I was trying not to think…) I reviewed the dream in my mind, and realised that all elements of the dream had been in my mind in the previous 12h hours: W. looked like I guy I had just happened to think about a few hours back; my neighbor friend, whom I see every day for half hout in the public garden during isolation time, told me about our common ex-work colleague and her gift to her little daughter; the clothes were to change my PJ, which is what I have been wearing for the past 5 weeks in isolation (for Zoom or Whatsapp work calls all I need is to look decent from the waist up :-)). And voilà le cake is ready. Many ingredients (WV: not sure why it was in the dream). All make sense. Wow, it’s really great to follow this process as the studying subject and object of this phenomenon called healing from depression.

As for any other side effects of Fluoxetin, the only other thing I can remember is feeling stomach pains the first few weeks; the medicine was hard on my stomach, even if I was taking it after breakfast. And the heart beat growing faster a few hours after taking it. These effects have passed after 2-3-4 weeks. Sometimes I feel so good actually, that I need to calm down, to not explode of happiness. I want to preserve my emotions and be ready for when I stop the medicines. No intention of stopping as of yet. I am thinking another few months. I’ll for sure wait that Covid isolation is over.