I said I was going to write about meditation in a separate post. There it is.

I need to specify that I have tried to meditate for many years, but it has always been a very difficult endeavor for me. I guess it is because I am an active person, my nephews would say even too much 🙂 (I love you A & G), and more than that I think it’s because I am not a patient person. So, whenever I tried in the past to meditate, I would give up after the second or third session, each session not lasting more than 10 minutes, during which my mind would roam around, think, suggest, preoccupy, laugh, cry, upset, etc. All you can imagine when you are not meditating.

But, there’s a but. Yes, it is the circumstances I find myself in at this moment in my life, which are very unique: 1. I took a major step four months ago (five actually) and asked for medical help to get me out of my depressive misery, and 2. the whole world has been on practically total lockdown for 3-4 weeks since the Coronavirus outbreak in China in Dec 2019. Crazy circumstances, I agree, that do not happen every day, or not even in a lifetime (SARS was not as pandemic as this one, although depression is). I decided to make the most out of this situation, and while I am at home by myself, not seeing anybody if not at the supermarket every 3-4 days, I have all the time in the world to concentrate on myself. I feel good, I am seren, I even like my job and its process (which I hated only 4 months ago), what better chance to start meditating? Off I go.

I have a dear friend in L.A. who does meditation and says it not only helps, but it changes your life. Another friend in Johannesburg has been meditating for years, and swears by it. They are both different people with different lives, and a common element in their everyday routine: meditation.

Ok, I have to quickly talk about routine and my allergy for it. This is one of the things that in time made me depressive. I can’t stand routine. I remember when I was with W. (the love of my life, that’s a whole other chapter), we used to laugh at standardisation and routine life. We were the opposite of standard, and we loved our life. It was great. Anything that resembles routine has been stricken off my vocabulary for years. Meditation to me is the quintessence of routine. So I always associated it with a bad thought. Today, as I write this blog, things have changed. I have been at war against depression, and I intend to win. If routine helps me get back my good old jolly being, then be it. I embrace it with all my heart.

So routine it is, and meditation. It’s my third week of every day meditation and I am so proud of myself. half hour every morning, first thing (second actually) after I wake up. You want to know what I use? I of course went online (Oh, Internet, what an invention) and searched for good meditation channels on youtube. I have tried several, I even did meditation with a couple of friends in the past years, to see what matches my needs more. I mentioned in a previous post that I listened a lot to Micheal Sealey. I was often listening to his wonderful soothing voice while trying to calm down and fall asleep, when I was at the height of my depression (sept-dec 2019). I still find him very good, but wanted to find a proper meditation channel, without hypnosis or things that help you fight imminent stress. I am not stressed now, I am not sad and I am feeling good. I want to meditate and forge my mind the way I like it. Hence, I have ventured into breathing meditation. It’s working. In sanskrit it’s called Pranayama. the channel I found is called Breathing Mantra. Check it out if you want. I really like it. It’s not easy, I find, as it teaches you over several levels (level 1, 2, 3 etc) various breathing steps. Of course I still think a lot during these 30 minutes. The first few days 30 minutes felt like 30 years, but as I go a long, I find myself accepting and liking the length, and sometimes, when the horn blows at the end of a session, I think “oh, has it already been 30 minutes?”. Who would have thought…