For two days on week 1 of taking antidepressants I have had a sense of normalcy, it felt really good, as if I had always been well. Not really joy, but serenity, no anxiety for things not done, no fear of the future, no sense of jealousy for anybody else who is successful around my world, and so on.

I was hoping that this sensation would continue, but now I am on week 2 and I have not sensed this serenity again. That’s really too bad; my friend, who took antidepressants in the past, said it takes 2-3 weeks to get used to the medicine, and for it to have effect. The psychiatrist (the Congolese happy fellow) told me that for half of the patients this medicine does not have any effect, and that possibly it’s just placebo effect.

Placebo effect: what an invention. If I look at the definition it says “a beneficial effect produced by a placebo drug or treatment, which cannot be attributed to the properties of the placebo itself, and must therefore be due to the patient’s belief in that treatment.” So placebo is something that feels real, but isn’t. The mind can have such a healing effect on us. This is great news, and I knew that before, so much so that I always refused (until 2 weeks ago) to take medicines to treat problems related to the mind. I say: if it’s in the mind, I can control it. Well, I still believe that, but I also think that some chemical inbalance must have occurred in my brain; due to the many months (and years) of filling my mind with negative thoughts, sense of frustration, incapability of figuring out my professional life, and blocking myself on many fronts, my mind must have developed a different chemical reaction, and the nice hormones that make you feel happy and serene are no longer generated by themselves. This is what was explained to me. There’s a very smart guy who talks about these hormones; sometimes I listen to him on YouTube, cause he is fascinating. Here’s one video: (Simon Sinek) How Do the Chemicals Affect Work Life Balance?.

So, going back to my point, if I can get help through medicines and release again these hormones in my brain, then I can train my mind to think positive, and to take the necessary steps to be happy again. At this point I don’t care if the medicine is a placebo or not, as long as it works. This is war against depression, and I intend to win.