This is what is looks like, Fluoxetin:

Very unsexy name, I got it prescribed last week for the first time. My mood was too low and I couldn’t see any joy in anything I was doing. I have fought so many times to avoid getting to this stage, and here I am, taking antidepressants. Another unsexy word – antidepressants. We could have come up with a more compassionate word, one that includes the hope of healing. In Africa they use so many refreshing words (like Ubuntu – brotherhood, sounds so nice), we could have gone to an African tribe and asked “what healing name would you give to an epidemic disease that’s spreading in the first world?”. They would probably look at us in disbelief. Depression: what’s that? We haven’t got that far up into Maslow’s pyramid!

True, ‘cause depression is a disease of people like you and me whose basic needs have been already fulfilled. We are not fighting to drink, eat or find shelter. All of that is already taken care of. We are among the few lucky in this world. I have time to think of how to fulfill myself in this lifetime; I have money to take a holiday, buy furniture and new clothes; I never felt really hungry in my life; my grandmother used to describe to me what hunger was, during World War One and Two – I could try to imagine, but that was it.

I got sidetracked, but there is a reason for it: the very first psychiatrist I ever visited, who gave me the Fluoxetin you see in the picture, is a Congolese doctor. Man, he must be thinking “what a first world problem to have” …. I am not sure I trust him yet (I don’t trust doctors in general) but his jolly, bubbly, slightly over-weighted self is comforting.

It takes two to three weeks for the medicament to have an effect; I am down to week 1. First two days I cried, was anxious and panicking, I wanted to scream at the doctor that he should have warned me. Be warned: the first effect of an antidepressant can make you more depressed. Great! Had I known, I could have been prepared. Next few days have been better. I took three days off work, which helped.

It’s been now one week, and since a couple of days my afternoons are feeling normal, serene, like I haven’t been feeling in a long time. Since July 2019 (five months ago) I have been falling into a sad sad mood, not one day of joy and nothing to look forward to. So, this white and green pill I am taking is making me feel better, and hallelujah for modern medicine! Bring it on, inject chemicals in me that have been missing: serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, whatever works. It feels good.

Side effects: stomach burns (you need to eat well before taking it), one or two morning spasms when waking up (you know the feeling of when you wake up before you fall?), not a big deal, I guess, and anxiety in the morning – which diminished the last 2-3 days because I took 3 days off work.

A good friend (who has been through this) told me I should take time for myself, get a sick leave, and spend one or two weeks resting. I took 3 days only (I feel too responsible towards the company). Tomorrow I have to go to Lugano for work. I will be testing my moods, it should be ok. I have to work to earn money, but I may have to tell my Director to slow down on my tasks. Maybe work 80% (In Switzerland this is possible).

Another good day. I posted this note. Tomorrow is work day, we’ll see how anxiety goes. Thank you for reading. Eventually.

Podcast progress: maybe some today, after this post is up.